Moving On..

>> Friday, October 23, 2009

Now, I'm ready to speak my mind... but still just a bit..

It has been a month since the most painful event in our life happened. 'twas Sept 23 when we lost our baby, Angela Marie. She's 21 weeks old in my tummy then.

I have been in a lot of pain for the past weeks. I initially had questions to God on why it has to happen. For weeks, I cried myself to sleep -- remembering seeing her via ultrasound during our checkups, the countless times that Mon and I talk to her, the nights we checked and heard her calming heartbeat, the bond that I had with her. It was and still is lingering in my mind.

It was equally difficult for Mon as well. He initially had a hard time expressing the pain he felt. But he endured everything for me. He has been very caring of me, comforting me and staying by my side at all times.

At first I cannot really understand God's purpose. But as days pass, I slowly began to see that this painful experience gave us more strength and bond as a couple. We're really thankful to Him because we never felt so loved by our respective families and friends. Along with God, they have been with us to provide guidance and support. There might be some more reasons I still haven't realized but I'm sure in time, God will let me see it. Now, I am surrendering it all up to Him.

I still constantly ask Him to give us more strength and understanding. Though I still cry at times, I know Angel is in a better place now, watching over us. She has given us a lot of happiness and joy for the five months that she's with us. Her memory will forever be etched in our hearts. And that is a very very good reason for me to wear again my smile.

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